I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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