i dont even know how to be here
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
