I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
