He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
