I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
