no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
