if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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