I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I have post one night stand depression
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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