I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
