You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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