You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize