I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
