Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
