he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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