He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
