Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
