She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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