i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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