Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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