nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
