Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
