woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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