when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
