Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
