if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
