Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I am midnight drunk by noon
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
