DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
