I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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