can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
