She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Houston, we have a blender
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
