Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Drake has all the answers
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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