It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
