I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
