I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
