And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
