She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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