when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
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