Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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