his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Houston, we have a blender
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
This baby is an asshole
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
