How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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