that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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