Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
