she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
