I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
