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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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