The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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