Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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