We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
