just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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