just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
