her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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