And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
