Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
