Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
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