I love black thongs
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
