you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
