The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
