Don't make out with my wife yet
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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