i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
