after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
