you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
