Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Found the puke drawer
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
