we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
