it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
false alarm. still invincible.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
