I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Randomize
