youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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