Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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