too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
