It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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