College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
